9 months ago (264 days ago. to be exact) I hopped on a plane and found myself in Rennes, France. It's sort of a frightening place to wind up if you've lived your entire life undictated by weather, the bus, and a language barrier... I got here and I clearly had no idea why I had made the decision to live abroad. It's a shock to your everything.
I think we all thought that this would last forever. We got so used to imagining that France was never ending that we stopped counting the days and started counting moments. I didn't want to be bothered with the three diget number that told me how far away home was. We got together and did crazy things. We did what we could to pass what felt like an eternity, especially when the grey heavens opened up on you twice a day. We resigned to the permanence and forgot the date only to have May 28th sneak up on us without a warning. We only started counting when the days became too few, and even then we didn't want to look because that solitary number was getting smaller far too quickly.
To reflect fully, I don't think I remember feeling truly happy in France until New Years. It wasn't until Aimee and Flora welcomed me into their Bastille apartment that I felt happy about my decision to move abroad. Moving to another country does funny things to your expectations, hopes, perceptions, and fears. The highs are the highest highs you will ever have, but the lows are crushingly low. So we set out as a group to help eachother out and feel the happiest we possibly could. We did what we wanted and let the liberation make us happy. Once we were liberated from the first three months, everything changed. We shed our old selves, old habits, and old ideas and became the people that we were designed to be.
That's when everything changed for the better, I'd say. The liberation made me happy. I became deliriously and genuinely happy. I had beautiful friends and a beautiful life. I ate, I drank, I smoked, I laughed, I smiled, I lived. Sometimes it felt like none of it was real, which was really scary. Life became such a blur of school, travel, and friends that time seemed to rocket past us. Moments of success popped up and added to the experience. I hit the point when I realized that I was bilingual, I was present for a new addition to my host family, I completed a book in French and actually understood it, I visited Nice and relived the summer of 2012, I talked with my host mom until midnight...
The 9 months, though, were also held together by my friends. I'd never really had more than three good friends at one time... And suddenly I found myself with seven. We became eachother's support system and eachother's family. We did everything together and became inseparable. We helped eachother fight through the rough winter months, forgot things and helped eachother remembered them, planned our weddings, and watched the days blur together into one. We are eight sisters who would do anything for one another, and it's going to be painful to separate from them, even if part of us will be together sooner than later. I think that's the worst part of leaving... Leaving those who went through your journey with you, whether it be friends, host family, or real family.
I keep trying to think about what I've learned from my 9 months... It's safe to say that I grew and changed more than I thought was possible. I grew into myself and found the real me hidden away in self conciousness and fear... I grew from a teen into an adult (mentally and literally) and became more comfortable with moi-même. My mind expanded beyond limits I could understand. I grew intellectually. I made friendships that will last longer than a lifetime. And now it's over.
I can't say I really think it's over though. I don't think SYA 2014 will let each other easily forget the year we spent together... The end of a chapter is just the start of a new one.
* The idea of the gestation period is the brainchild of Helen and Cleo
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