Sometimes I look or think about people and wonder what happened. Sometimes it's "wow, what happened to you?" But a lot of the time it's "wow, what happened to us?"
I stumble upon this feeling a lot. It's come around more and more since I've moved to another country. I think that I now have the chance to reflect on the people that come to mind and think about how much things have changed between us; How much we don't know about eachother's lives now.
I really do try to keep my friendships going. I'm not the type to let things fizzle out or just end. I fight for my relationships, whether they be friendly, romantic, or just someone I've met. I will try my hardest to make things work no matter the situation. I've got a very specific drive to try and keep relationships going as long as I feel the other person is willing. When the other person's interest fades, however, I take that as my cue to stop all of my effots and just let it go. Sometimes, I can't though. Sometimes I can't accept the fact that people are willing to let me fade from their lives.
I was home alone and sick today. Thus, when I wasn't watching The Walking Dead, Scandal, or some other unconventional movie that I've probably seen a million times, my brain had time to really reflect on the people who seem to have forgotten about me. I'm lucky. The people that come to mind are very few. I feel blessed to have people that really wish to continue on our relationships despite the long distance, annoying time difference, changing lives, etc. I admire the people that return my efforts. However, there are some people where I just have to stop and think, "really? How can you pretend that I don't exist?" It really hurts to think that I've become irrelevant in some people's lives. It hurts even more when you feel that you've shared something more than just a plain old friendship. What caused you to just stop trying? Am I really so unimportant and forgettable?
I don't forget anyone or anything that comes into my life. Yes, I have a lot of trouble with short term memory and specific things that people say to me. But it's really difficult for me to forget a relationship, it's not just something that I can cast aside. Friendship is extremely important to me. What can I do? Keep trying but feel as if my attempts to continue friendship annoy you? Accept the fact that there's nothing more for our friendship and move on? But how can I forget when we've shared something that I treasure so dearly?
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