Before I began my adventure in Rennes, I never thought that I would miss a normal high school experience. I never thought that I'd look at the instagram photos of people at home and miss sitting in the same old classrooms every day with the same old teachers and the same old people. I never thought that I'd be actually intrigued by the things going on at school - dances, pep assemblies, homecoming court... And for the most part, I was correct.
I feel as if I'm sort of a cynic when it comes to high school. I really identify with this Stephen King quote: "I hated high school. I don't trust anyone who looks back on the years from 14 to 18 with any enjoyment." I am sure most of us can relate to the almost-stereotypical teenage angst. I never really enjoyed high school. There were days when it was fun... Sure. But I remember sitting in my Honors English class listening to Mrs. Dunlap try to explain how Sydney Carton in A Tale of Two Cities was a Jesus figure, calculating the amount of weeks, months, and semesters I had left of high school. I couldn't relate to the people who seemed like they were having a good time. It didn't make any sense to me. I wanted out.
Oddly enough, and much sooner than I thought, I got my way out. My way out wasn't homeschooling - which I will shamefully admit that I swore I would turn to for my senior year. It wasn't college, the normal way out of high school. It was France. I somehow escaped the typical high school experience that I dreaded so much, and now here I am. I stare at high school through a glass window. I only experience what everyone else experiences through social media. It's extremely bizarre.
To some degree, it feels as if I almost don't exist. I feel as if I may be a unicorn - what normal kid gives up the "best year" of high school to go speak French for a year? Yeah. Unicorn kids. I stare at my potential for a senior year through the glass of my iPhone and the screen of my computer. I am actually on the outside looking in. It feels so strange watching what I could be doing with the rest of my class. It feels foreign - I feel foreign. To some degree, I feel as if I almost can't identify with it anymore. Everything seems so different. If I were home today I would have been wearing black, sipping Starbucks with the rest of the seniors in the District parking lot at 5AM, and yelling "four more years" at the top of my lungs to the freshmen experiencing their first high school pep assembly. As a freshman I pictured myself in the black on the far right side of the gym. Now, being here and watching it all play out, I can't see how I ever saw myself there. It feels like I'm watching a movie.
As I reflect on my cynicism toward high school, I can only be amazed that I have achieved what I craved in that 10th grade Honors English class. I don't want this to convey that I didn't enjoy my time at LBHS. I truly did. I love Laguna, I love my friends, and being here has given me so much time to appreciate all that I've experienced and accomplished there. Laguna Beach will always be my home, and Laguna Beach High School will always be my high school. However, everything almost feels unreal. I wanted to be on the outside for so long, I didn't care if I didn't gain that normal high school experience. I didn't care if I left it all behind for some alternate and unconventional form of education. And here I am - alternate and totally unconventional form of education in all.
Not sure if you are glad or sad....perhaps a little of both??
Love, Mom
Posted by: Mom | Saturday, October 19, 2013 at 05:20 PM