Homesickness is such a funny thing. When you're homesick, what are you really longing for? Home? I don't feel as if that's always the case. When I think of being homesick, I relate it to somewhere between a little nostalgia and deep depression. Today, I had this strong feeling of my version of homesickness. It creeped up on me in Language class. It started as fleeting memories, which turned into missing something basic, and ammounted to the sad feeling I know all too well... Something similar to the sinking, icy feeling of depression.
I'm not one to feel homesick. I don't usually long to return home when I go somewhere. I've been to years of summer camp, I've been to a month abroad. This should be nothing. Alas, no. I am not yet a pro at detaching myself from my roots and not having the freedom to return or the knowledge of when I'll return. Despite the fact that I am experiencing homesickness, my version is a little different than what other people might feel.
When I'm homesick, I don't want to go home. I don't want to run away from where I am. I want to stay put and I want to become not homesick. I want to stop missing whatever it is I'm missing. I want whatever it is I'm longing for to have a special place in my heart and nestle there, but not cause me the gripping sadness I fear. I want anything to return to what it is I'm deprived of.
So how does one cure this humongous cloud that can often hang over you indefinitely? You honor whatever it is you're missing. Understand what it is your missing. Understand why. Accept the fact that you miss it, realize that it misses you, and set it on that shelf in the back of your mind where you can look at it with fond memories. But whatever you do, don't go back to it. Running back is defeat, and what doesn't kill you (trust me homesickness will not kill you), makes you stronger. And I've found that true in almost all cases of homesickness/nostaligia/depressing thoughts.
When I called my mom today a little down and sad, she reminded me that a new day was only a few hours away, and that a fresh start was awaiting She told me that I'd get used to it eventually, and that it may take days (months, even) to become happy with where I am. And I believe her, as much as I want to be content this minute. I took the things I really miss off of that shelf in the back of my mind today, and I really shouldn't have. Tomorrow I have to put them back, smile, and enjoy the day. After all, this is my new life. I'll get used to this eventually, I know I will.
Punkin, you are brilliant at expressing yourself through your writing. I am moved reading your thoughts. Hang in there and know I am missing you too. It's the little things that usually get me. Know you are loved, admired and never forgotten. Even though we are miles apart. I love you, Mom
Posted by: Mom | Wednesday, September 18, 2013 at 09:31 PM